The Chronicles of Strandedhan: Part 1 of n – Trenchergate

“The Chronicles of Strandedhan” is intended to be a multipart tragic comedy.

 

This first act is about a blogger, Strandedhan, and his integrity, with a small appearance by his sidekick, Barby. As with any job, journalists have a code of ethics and contractual agreements. However, Strandedhan thinks that rules don’t apply to him, because he is an artiste! It’s this attitude that gets our comic in this series into trouble.

Strandedhan had a job working for a fallen hero, but in the wake of the hero’s passing Strandedhan became discontent. He railed about his new overlords. He cited their weakness, lack of attention to detail, and general negligence in their stewardship of our fair comic. Strandedhan needed teeth, G-ddammit! This was due to an old war wound involving a camera and a hooker in San Francisco’s Castro District, and these capricious stewards of his weren’t attentive to his forthcoming TV persona. “The Man” was keeping Strandedhan down. He needed to break free.

Enter Brutus, The Boor. Brutus had a trenching operation and offered Strandedhan gainful employment. Strandedhan gleefully accepted.

Strandedhan intended to milk his current employer for a salary while he was also on the payroll for Brutus. Strandedhan called this “double-dipping” – a sure-fire way to get those needed chompers. But on his sixth day working for Brutus, Strandedhan quit rather suddenly. In fact, it  was 20 minutes after Brutus commanded his team to dig a trench for clients Greg W. Flowered, Mike Black, and Zapemdead. This trench was to be for a moat to protect them from the Rauhausian Nealots. For some reason, although he didn’t know Flowered or Zapemdead, Strandedhan refused to undertake said entrenchment and quit, citing an aversion to people who support their right to self-defense. Those teeth would have to wait.

His trusty sidekick Barby thought his cohort’s reasoning was “stupid as f*ck” for leaving the job, but alas!  On his way out the door from his boorish employer Brutus, Strandedhan was instructed to stand down with all sources and material acquired while in his employ. The split was complete and Strandedhan was on to bigger and better things – like park benches and fifty dollar dinners in Vegas, but we’ll get to that in future acts. Barby was witness to the email exchange; all parties agreed and a song was in the air.

Farewell, Strandedhan!

A carefree Strandedhan makes merriment on his way to a better life... with only 2 teeth.

 

But not so fast…

As in any tragic comedy there is, well… comedy, which brings us to present day (in theater, one can play loose with chronology. We’ll revisit earlier escapades in future acts) where Strandedhan dons a clown costume and beclowns the world around him.

Strandedhan started to attack Brutus and his trenchers building the anti-Nealot moat. He was incensed by this moat. He lashed out at the trenchers for building the requisite foundation for a defense from the Rauhausians. His blissful demeanor was overcome with disdain for all things Nealot and all things Flowered and Zapemdead.

Strandedhan’s artsy exterior began to flake like a huge nose pimple with no head. He ignored his honor-bound agreement and started communicating with Brutus’ sources, who help the trench builders do their jobs. One such source was Randy of the Redwoods.

This is when the comedy turns tragic.

The following recording showcases Strandedhan communicating with Randy of the Redwoods (don’t worry about the unredacted phone logs; Strandedhan and Barby post their phone numbers all over the internet):

 


Then our beleaguered Strandehan flatly lies about ever making such agreement.


 

As the reader of this tale can see, Strandedhan denied making a promise about the source and claimed that Brutus never asked.

And finally, evidence of poor Strandedhan’s tragic folly:

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Lee Stranahan <>
Date: Wed, Jun 6, 2012 at 6:47 PM
Subject: Re: Source and data
To: Brooks Bayne <>
Cc: Brandon Darby <>

Of course – your story. Let me know if you need anything.

Sent from my iPhone

On Jun 6, 2012, at 8:27 PM, Brooks Bayne <> wrote:> Lee,
>
> We’ll be handling the story with regard to Randy Hahn et al. Stand down with the recorded phone call and the other information I forwarded to you. I’ll be taking the lead with my sources moving forward as well.
>
> Good luck!
>
> Regards,
> Brooks

 

Hully Gee, Strandedhan!

Come back soon for the next act in “The Chronicles of Strandedhan”!
(A Brutus Production 2012)

About Brooks Bayne

Bacon and bourbon.

, , , , , , , ,