The Trenches have shown some immediate restraint in this Wild West of conservative combat. Not backing down from fire at the posse, but definitely being scarce on warning shots and revenge. It comes as no surprise that with Snagglepuss’s recent attacks, we’ve had to add another page to the chronicles of everyone’s favorite Don Quixote of punditry.
The next part of the story here at The Trenches shows some brazen cowboy tactics from our favorite snaggleypuss. He went to the saloon and issued threats, then hid behind women to defend his points of view. In storytelling terms, this is the tale of the sniveling coward.
So, let’s enter the story. We left off with our favorite snaggleypuss needing some teef. He thought he could double dip the system by writing for both sides! “What a novel idea!” Standedhan proclaimed! “I’ll get those pearly whites in no time!”
It turns out that the mean Mr. Brutus was out to get Strandedhan. When Strandedhan took a magical flying carpet ride to get some juicy Gordon-steak to gum on, Brutus called him back down to reality. Snaggleypuss didn’t like this scenario. No siree bobtail, he didn’t. “Hey, I’m out on an adventure!” he yelped to the mean old Brutus. “I’m a an extraordinary writer “ he barked at mean ole’ Brutus. “Why, if I’m not as talented a writer as I am an artist, I’ll gum my shoe!” he pointed and wagged at Brutus (who was already boiling water and grabbing salt and pepper).
“Artist?!! LOLOLOLOLOL!” Brutus chortled at the Strandedhan, laughing so hard he slumped over his pot. “You’re a regular Ansel Adams, alright!” the mean Mr. Brutus told Strandedhan. “Yes, snaggleypuss, let’s talk “art” for a moment, shall we” Brutus roared at the wincing Strandedhan. “Let’s see what this work looks like.”
Brutus goes to his magic looking glass and types in something Strandedhan had never seen before, a URL address! As Strandedhan marveled at the magical looking glass he saw his marvelous photography pop up, so beautiful it’s adorning the story. (for a vast array of NSFW Strandedhan porn… we mean “art”: https://picasaweb.google.com/117885779427274620346/Pornohan)
“That’s it” Strandedhan exclaimed to the magical looking glass. “That’s my beautimous work! Look at it, Brutus! Look at it!” the snaggleypuss hero squealed with delight.
“Not everyone thinks this is art, my dentally challenged friend.” said Brutus, wincing at a dick pic. “Some would call this pornography.” “Pornowhowasit?” a blinky-eyed Strandedhan said looking at Brutus with puzzlement. “Yes, get it outta those buttercorns correctly…..P-o-r-n-o-g-r-a-p-h-y. Can you spell it?” Brutus said mockingly to our hero.
The snaggleypuss sleuth snuck over to the magic looking glass and asked the google oracle this new term he’d learned. As she brought him more magical pages to turn (“with pikchturs and stuffs” Standedhan thought to himself), his boyish grin turned to a scowl. Enraged, he lashed out at the mean ole’ Brutus, proclaiming “you’ll rue the day you crossed me, mean ole’ Brutus!” storming off into the shadows with Brutus’ magical looking glass.
Our snaggleypuss hero was safe and sound in his compound again, licking his wounds. He thought, “boy would I like to give Brutus a piece of my mind. I’d like to feed him to the AB wolves. They’d show him a thing or two.” Just then, a spark hit him. A very dim candle went off above his buttertooth frame and he concocted a plan.
See, Strandedhan ain’t too bright, but boy does he know how to look like a victim. It’s his superpower. As a part of the Puhlitical Avengery Eunuchorns his code name was “Fainting Goat”, because when approached by a predator, he lives up to the animal’s namesake by stiffening up and pissing himself. At this point, people stronger than him will come to his defense, even though sometimes snaggleypuss is the dirty-birdee instigator himself.
So he rushed over to his new pilfered magic looking glass and typed in Twit-ur his magical chant “Saladin, saladumb!” and found an ally of Brutus to attack. A massive bull named Howardly of the forest. Strandedhan, with an evil grin, told the AB wolves that Howardly was a “wingnut” for something he wrote on “Twit-ur”.
Howardly woke up to the news that the AB wolves were stalking him and had set up a smear to goad him into battle. Thinking at first he was dealing with a head wolf, it was quickly pointed out to him that it was in fact the toothless sleuth, the Fainting Goat, Strandedhan.
“That’s for makin’ fun o’ my pikchtur!” Strandedhan cackled through the looking glass at Brutus. “You’ll never catch me, I’ve told the AB wolves you eat babies.” he roared at Brutus. “Where’s your precious “conservative” movement now?” Strandedhan said with glee, as he dragged Howardly down hurling mud at the mighty bull.
@jerseydivamom Careful, TwitchyTeam might put you in one of their Kook of the Day blogs
— Greg Howard (@GregWHoward) July 25, 2012
Our snaggleypuss hero made a small miscalculation, just something minor that he forgot. No biggie, just an oversight. See, before he started merchandising , he was posting videos about “wingnuts”. You know, those idiots that feed his family and will pay for his teef. He made a video about those contemptible morons, those easily manipulated buffoons, explaining exactly how he felt.
Those stupid idiots. Them stupid ig’nant conservative “wingnuts” would never think to look at Strandedhan’s past.. They’re too stoopid, and stuff. They’d…. I mean, the snaggleypuss hero knows how to make a “sucker bet” and have people fall for it! http://www.pigsfly.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=717
“They’re just my gravy train, much like my merchandising business.” the snaggleypuss hero pondered. http://www.zazzle.com/breitbart_behave_tshirts-235268658842706783
@rbpundit I know! Victory!
— Lee Stranahan (@Stranahan) July 26, 2012
Strandedhan gives us all a sweeping disclaimer…
Basically, Strandedhan likes his BDSM/snuff/homosexual porn and he’s not changing g_ddamit!!!
Who is this guy that likes to post “art” in the “Fetish Portraits” section of the Deviantart website?
(to be continued….)